“There’s a spot over Lake Superior where migrating butterflies veer sharply. No one understood why they made such a quick turn at that specific place until a geologist finally made the connection: a mountain rose out of the water at that exact location thousands of years ago. These butterflies and their offspring can still remember a mass they’ve never seen, sound waves breaking just so, and fly out of the way. How did they pass on this knowledge of the invisible? Does this message transmit through the song they sing to themselves on their first wild nights, spinning inside a chrysalis? Or in the music kissed down their back as they crack themselves open to the morning Sun? Does milkweed whisper instructions to them as it scatters in the meadow?”
This powerful passage from World of Wonders by Aimee Nezhukumatathil shows us how deeply rooted instincts, passed down through generations, can shape behavior. Just like these butterflies’ inherited flight patterns, we inherit money scripts—unconscious beliefs and behaviors about money—passed down from our parents, and their parents before them.
These money scripts can continue to guide our financial decisions, even if we don’t know where they come from.
Money scripts are the deeply ingrained beliefs we develop about money, often formed during childhood through observing how our parents or caregivers handled their finances. These beliefs are handed down from generation to generation, much like the butterflies’ instinct to avoid an invisible mountain.
These scripts often lead to habits like overspending, hoarding money, avoiding financial decisions, or feeling intense guilt about wealth—all rooted in past experiences.
Money scripts can either set us on a path toward financial health or, more commonly, create barriers to our financial well-being. Some examples include:
Money Worship: “More money equals more happiness and success.”
This belief may lead to the idea that financial wealth is the ultimate goal and that more money will solve any problem or bring lasting fulfillment. It can result in overworking, overspending, or measuring self-worth by financial success alone.
Money Status: “My value is determined by how much money I have or the lifestyle I project.”
A person with this script may feel compelled to maintain an image of wealth and success, which could lead to overspending, making purchases to “keep up appearances,” or prioritizing material wealth over other important life values.
Money Abundance: “There will always be enough money.”
While this can foster a sense of security, it could also lead to financial complacency or irresponsible money management. Someone with this script might take financial security for granted and avoid planning, budgeting, or saving because they assume the money will always be there.
Money as a Tool for Freedom: “Money allows me to live life on my terms.”
This script can be very empowering, leading to a healthy relationship with money where it is seen as a tool for freedom, opportunity, and creating experiences rather than as an end in itself. However, without balance, it could lead to indulgent spending without long-term planning.
Money Avoidance Due to Guilt: “I don’t deserve to have this much money when others are struggling.”
If someone grows up in an affluent home but is taught that others are less fortunate, they may develop a guilt-based relationship with money. This could lead to avoidance of wealth or even self-sabotage when it comes to financial success because they feel undeserving or uncomfortable with their privilege.
Money Entitlement: “I should have access to money without having to work for it.”
This script can develop if a person grows up in a home where money flows freely without any expectations for personal contribution or hard work. This belief can lead to a heavy sense of entitlement, dependency on others, poor work ethic, or a lack of financihal discipline.
Money Security: “Money provides security and stability.”
A positive version of this script can lead to responsible financial management, a focus on saving, and planning for the future. However, it could also result in excessive risk aversion, where the fear of losing wealth becomes a barrier to taking any financial risks or making necessary investments.
If any of these money scripts feel familiar, you are not alone. The good news is that, unlike the butterflies, we have the ability to become aware of our inherited patterns and change them. Breaking these generational money scripts is key to unlocking new financial potential and possibilities for future generations.
Here are four steps you can take to check the influence of theses money scripts over your decisions:
Take some time to think back to your childhood. What were the dominant financial messages you observed or were told? Did you grow up in a home where money was a source of stress, or was it something that was freely available and not discussed much? These early experiences often shape our core beliefs around money.
Ask yourself: Did your parents argue about money? Were you taught to save or spend freely? Did you notice tension, anxiety, or abundance surrounding money?
Beliefs You May Have Inherited:
“Money is hard to come by.”
“You need to save every penny.”
“More money will make you happy.”
“Talking about money is taboo.”
Once you recognize these scripts, you can begin to understand how they shape your current financial habits and mindset.
Take a critical look at your money scripts and ask whether they fit your current financial situation. Beliefs that may have served your parents in a different economic context might not serve you today.
Did you know many of the “pearls of wisdom” we still hold true about money come from those who lived through the Great Depression era? Sayings such as: Don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Waste not, want not. Banks and the stock market are too risky. Hard times can come at any time. Avoid all debt at all costs.
Do These Held Beliefs Support Your Financial Goals?
If your goal is to build wealth, but you’re stuck in a scarcity mindset that tells you to avoid risks, you may miss out on investment opportunities. On the flip side, if you’ve inherited a money-worship script and are constantly striving for more wealth at the expense of your personal life, it might be worth reassessing what you truly value.
Are They Holding You Back?
Consider how these beliefs might be limiting your financial potential. Are you avoiding taking necessary risks because you’ve been conditioned to fear financial loss? Are you overspending to maintain an image because you equate money with success?
Challenge yourself to rewrite these beliefs into something more aligned with your current goals. For example, shift from “I need to save everything” to “I can plan for both saving and enjoying my money.”
Breaking free from limiting money scripts isn’t just about identifying and challenging them; it requires concrete action. If you’ve identified that a scarcity mindset is holding you back, take steps to create a budget that allows for both saving and spending.
Start by building positive habits: setting up automatic savings or investments, making a debt repayment plan, or diversifying your income streams.
Small Steps Build Confidence:
Even small steps—like creating a budget or starting a savings account—can help you gain control over your finances and break out of restrictive money scripts. If a lack of financial literacy is contributing to your money avoidance, seek professional advice from a financial planner – or, if you’re not ready for planning, seek out a financial coach to help you get organized.
Conscious Financial Planning:
Create a system to regularly evaluate your financial goals and progress. Are you saving enough for retirement? Are you investing in your future? The more proactive and hands-on you become with your financial planning, the more you can shift your beliefs from limiting scripts to empowering habits.
Money is often a taboo subject, but opening up about it can help break the cycle of negative money scripts in your family. By having open, honest conversations about finances with your spouse, children, or parents, you can foster a healthier relationship with money across generations.
Create a Positive Money Culture:
Use your experiences to teach your children or younger family members about the value of money, responsible spending, saving, and investing. Break the cycle of limiting money scripts by sharing what you’ve learned and encouraging a balanced view of money.
Create a family culture where money is seen as a tool for achieving goals and living a fulfilling life, not a source of anxiety or status. Discuss things like budgeting, investing, and giving back, and work together to create financial goals as a family.
The conversations you have today can empower the next generation to make smarter financial decisions. By talking about money openly, you remove the mystery and stigma, and instead create a legacy of financial literacy and independence.
Conclusion:
Like the butterflies instinctively veering away from a long-gone mountain, we may be following financial scripts that no longer serve us. But by becoming aware of these inherited beliefs, we can break the cycle and create a new financial legacy—one based on growth, opportunity, and empowerment.
The choice to break free from limiting money scripts is not just for ourselves but for future generations. Let’s start rewriting our financial story today.
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Author: Dale Shafer II, CFP®, CBEC®, APMA®
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